Attachment Disorder!

They advertised the movie as a light-hearted comedy ...
I found it to be anything but!
While on vacation this past week in Upper New York my good wife and I watched a Robert DeNiro movie called 'Everybody's Fine.' It was about a widowed husband who was determined to keep the family together. He was proud that he had always been a responsible father, and pushed his children to succeed in life, and as far as he knew they all were. After none of them could come to a family reunion he decided to surprise each of them with a visit of his own. His first stop is at his oldest son's apartment in N.Y.City - he's not at home; and at his other's children's homes he finds that things just don't seem the way he's been led to believe. On his final visit to his youngest daughter's it suddenly begins to occur to him that their abruptness at his visits is not coincidental .... something is being kept from him ... there's a conspiracy to keep the truth from him. Then he has a heart attack [for he's gone on this visit against the advice of his doctor, and in an act of goodwill his medication is destroyed]It is during this heart attack that he realizes none of his children are living the success he's been led to believe, and that they are all aware, except for him, that his oldest son has died of an overdose in Mexico.
Though he has been a responsible father, his relationships with his kids is mostly lived out through his wife. The movie does have a positive ending. About half-way through it my wife asked me, 'are you enjoying this movie,' and I replied, 'I hate it.' My reply came from a fear that DeNiro could be playing me, I hope not! What DeNiro discovers in the positive ending is that what he did in the latter part of the movie should have been done all along. It's a good movie and I'll not share the end here - its a good movie for a mom/dad date night!! The incident that most spoke to me was when DeNiro's was spending time with his youngest daughter [his last visit] and he asked if she had succeeded in her dream, and she turned the question on him, 'had he achieved his personal dream in life,' and he replied he never had a dream except to be a providing father. I found that answer rather shallow; noble to some perhaps that he sacrificed everything just to provide for his family, yet although it certainly was noble of him to be a good, responsible provider, the absence of a dream caused him to have strained relationships. ENJOY.


By now most people have heard of the adoption of a Russian boy by a couple in Shelbyville, Tenn. and the boy being sent back to Russia on a plane. My first response is that of most people, how dare the parents do that? Upon closer examination of the story I don't know but what my response is not the same, only less judgmental. It is alleged that the boy had severe behavior problems - hence -
attachment disorder! But as I was reading the article I wondered who had the attachement disorder ... just the boy - or the boy and his new parents? I've always thought that adoption had a 'specialness' about it. The decision to 'chose' to love someone always seemed equal if not more than loving because biology dictated it. Of course the grandmother contended that the Russian authorities had lied to get rid of the boy, but I don't find that an excuse for just shipping him back. If its true that this child had behavioral problems in learning accept love, how much more will he now be less inclined to accept acts of love? It is indeed a complex situation, but I don't think running from it, especially after, regardless of how much your lied to, you've reached out and accepted him. It will be interesting to follow the case and perhaps the trial that follows. I always want my love to go beyond whatever circumstances may come; the good wife and I have certainly weathered some rough storms but we've been blessed and all three of our grown children are our best friends.