Chapter 1: The Gift No One's Looking Forward To

A manuscript in progress.
Chapter 1: The Gift No One's Looking Forward To
Anxiously I surveyed the gifts under the tree, examining them closer I read the little cards to see who they were to. Then I would carefully measure those that would be mine against my wish list ....... what were the gifts big enough to contain? did the shape of this gift indicate? and on and on it would go, my expectations measured against what I saw, was I naive. For some of the most valuable gifts came in the most unexpected shapes, and of course there was that perennial gift wrapped inside a number of diminishing box sizes. Despite my parents best attempts, I often forgot about the giver, or sensed that the giver didn't really know me very well when my gift was something not on my wish list, you know something practical.
One of God's best gifts to us in the struggles and sufferings of life is grief. Going through the process of grief teaches us about one of the ways that his love walks with us through, what C.S. Lewis called the 'shadowlands,' or what the Psalmist called the 'valley of the shadow of death.'
Yet so often we fail to appreciate this gift, and failing to appreciate it we never unwrap its usefulness, its value to us. God not only gives us this gift but he shows us how to unwrap it through personal examples; his grieving as his son is scorned and rejected by mankind, his grieving as his son is beaten, tortured and crucified, his grieving as his son dies on a cross, alone.
Yet even before the shadows invade the heavenly domain, in John 11:21 Jesus accepts the gift of grieving. Theologians will try to explain away the verse by saying that Jesus was crying over sin leading to death, and they certainly have a point, but let us not forget Jesus was also human. It was a deep wound in his heart that his best friend had died, even though he himself had been a begrudging spectator. His crying began to unwrap that gift, and in the process gives us permission to accept the gift of grieving with a sad heart. His unwrapping the gift reveals to us that grieving allows us to give expression to our sorrow, grieving points us to the only source of compassion, strength and eventually peace. On the other hand it is interesting to note that scripture says virtually nothing about the grieving process that Job goes through. The man has just lost ten children, children he made sacrifices for daily, and there is no picture of his grieving. Its absence reminds me that we can choose to accept the gift and the often long difficult journey involved, or we can refuse it and never bring closure and a new beginning from our loss.
[so much for this rough sketch, I look forward to your input on this first chapter]

have a little faith...

A book review: 'have a little faith: a true story'
Mitch Albom. New York, New York. Hyperion Books. June 2009
ISBN: 9780786868728
Early this afternoon I took a quick trip to Barnes & Noble to take advantage of a 40%off coupon on the most recent book by my favorite Michigan author Mitch Albom. Not long after moving to Michigan approx. nine years ago, while reading the Sports section in the Detroit Free Press I came across an amazing article by Mitch. And from that time on I rather regularly have been reading his articles, then one day while in a B/N store I came across his book, 'Tuesdays with Morrie' which I must say has a lot of similarities with this most current one. After reading it I now have copies of most his books. This one however, is extremely timely. Salvaging every spare moment this afternoon between tasks, and with a couple hours this evening I was able to read this book. The two stories, one of a rabbi and the other a pentecostal preacher, remind us that God is not a respecter of one theology over another, God is too big for that; but it also reminds us that none of us fully know the mind or character of God. Personally though I believe the author, after having the rabbi pull a quick on him by asking him to do his eulogy then living eight more years, is pulling one on us. Just as I am convinced the rabbi had an ulterior motive in attempting to bring Mitch back to his spiritual roots, I believe the ultimate purpose of the author in writing this book was tell the story of an inner journey that he only hints at, yet finds a great deal of satisfaction in completing.. and that I think is probably the ultimate aim of the rabbi. Mitch reminds us that far too often, in our search for success, we miss out on those things that truly bring fulfillment - faith, family, friends and even casual acquaintances. You will enjoy this book.

Two other sites for better reviews:

http://www.amazon.com/ ..... customer reviews

http://www.mitchalbom.com/ ... author's website.

Manuscript in Progess

'God's Gift of Grieving' [a manuscript in progress]
Ever since I've been a junior in high school there has been this dream to write a book .... and only the God could recall how many idea's I've had on what the subject would be; but now I think I've figured it out. In the 'Grieving' series we've been doing I have been challenged to 'intentionally journal,' so maybe this is the seed to a book on death and the dying process. For the better part of my pastoral ministry death has intrigued me; and yet officiating at funerals is my most 'unliked' task. Three deaths that really made an impact in my life dealt with the glories of coming glory, the oxymoron of comfort and cursing and my father's coma. Let me explain a bit.
One day I got a call from a parishioner who told me her mother was coming to her home to die. They had decided that rather than her daughter making long trips back home, it would be simpler for mom to just move in with her and her family. For the sake of my faulty memory we'll call her rose, because her character was every bit equal to the beauty of one. After a couple of visits I began to really look forward to being with Rose, and on one occasion we talked about the message she would deliver to my father when she got to heaven. I have never met anyone as comfortable with coming death as Rose. She had her resting clothes picked out and cleaned and pressed, and really loved to talk about the coming glory that God was allowing her. What she didn't know was that every time I spoke with her, goose bumps literally covered my back, it was something akin to being with someone who is already sharing a part of the future with God that only certain death can bring. Rose's funeral was anti climatic because of the walk I had already experienced with her; Dad must have gotten a kick out of her delivering the message and remarking about all the sermon mistakes I so easily make.
My second story is much different. While I was a youth associate there was a little old lady who was a member of our church and lived in a nursing home. We'll call her Greta. Greta had lived a rough life, even before she was a teenager the beer halls and houses of ill-repute were more of a home to her than the family house. She didn't live this life by choice, it was the one pressed on her by her parents. While in her later teen years she began playing the piano in bars to earn money for the family. Sometime later, in her mid thirties she found Jesus Christ as her savior, and he completely turned her life around. Greta became quite a servant of the Lord, always going back into the old neighborhood to try and win those she'd once played for. She never married or had a family of her own, so when she began to physically deteriorate only her church family was there for her. Greta had become quite renown in church circles for her intercessory prayer life, and often I would stop by with a list for her, knowing that each request would be delivered into His presence. One day I got the call from the hospital that Greta was in her last days on this earth so I went to see her. Evidently I arrived at a very trying time for her, because as I mentioned prayer she began to curse at me with words sailors are more familiar with. After a rather long tirade of obscenities I had a brief prayer and left; later that night Tom, our senior pastor, visited her and she seemed quite calm and prayed with him. I never was able to figure out that visit but I firmly believe that even in our dying moments, for Greta would pass into the Lord's presence the next morning, Satan makes his last ditch-attempts to grab us, and that all the cursing was the result of going back to those days when she hadn't known the Lord. If Satan's efforts were to weaken my faith he failed that day.
My third story has to do with my father's four month long coma that led to his death. Since I lived an a far off state it was difficult for me to make it home very often. On a last trip home before I would return for his funeral I remember sitting on bed beside him and singing. I began singing the old time hymns, and as I did a very faint, soft voice joined me. It couldn't be my mom, she had taken some time to go downtown, and it couldn't be my sister, she was working. Almost unbelievably the accompanying voice came from my father, I leaned in closer to his face while continuing to sing and sure enough he was singing every word .......... and the better part of an hour I went on singing a duet with my father until my eyes became so clouded with tears I had to stop. Oh, how I hated to stop singing, for I knew the moment I stopped communication would end also. All other death experiences I've had paled compared to this .... why? why had God allowed such a miraculous experience, I've never gotten a good answer, and don't really want one. I just know that it was unique.
Numerous times I have stood with family members beside a dying loved one and watched as there has come that moment when it seemed that full recovery was coming as the one in bed would give a big smile, or ask for something, or speak a few words of cheer and family members would look at each other and comment on how wonderful this moment was, then the 'rattle', the rattle that said, 'what you've just experienced is a fraud' ... and then their loved one would breathe that final breath.
Why do I mention all these experiences? Because I'm convinced the grieving process starts even before death's final grasp. In fact, we are not only notorious about avoiding the grieving process we fail to understand the trauma[process] that many who die go through beforehand, and it is my hope in this manuscript to address not only how we can become whole again through the grieving process but how we prepare ourselves so that before our death our loved ones can will journey through it also.

[If you have any thoughts as I progress through this manuscript I would appreciate hearing them, and please include a footnote so that I might give you proper credit. A large part of any writing is giving credit, this maintains integrity; but having said that let me also say if there is any part of this manuscript, at any time, that you can use, please feel free to do and know that I will honored and humbled.]

The Clash of the Gods - Beowulf

Last night I watched another segment of 'The clash of the Gods!' Getting the whole series on DVD is going to be at the top of my Christmas-wish-list! I had never heard the story behind the myth of Beowulf .... its great. The more that I listen to these stories of myth, the more convinced I become that God has used this medium, these stories to lead people to consciousness of him. If for no other reason that people must find a source 'OUTSIDE' themselves, for this in itself is a confession that we are not the makers and controllers of our universe; and it forces us to comes to grips the concept of the 'OTHER' force. Its connection with Cain is interesting, to say the least, and the concept that the monsters' mother is even more diabolic. Can't wait for the rest of the series! [I would even like to take a trip to Greece now ... any donors out there?!]

For a current update on Beowulf by a professor who is an actual part of the tv series go to www.wormtalk.blogspot.com.

'Through the Shadowlands'

A book review: 'Through the Shadowlands: The story of C.S.Lewis's life with
Joy Davidman.' C.S. Lewis. Grand Rapids, Michigan. Fleming Revell Publishers
ISBN: 0800755340
This is a tremendous story of how a later middle aged confirmed bachelor has his life completely changed by his love for a divorced American woman. By the time he meets her, C.S. Lewis is unquestionably our century's greatest Christian apologist. He has written numerous books not only defending the Christian faith, but how to live out that faith in even the most troubling and darkest of times. Yet as C.S. and Joy struggle with her constant, reappearing illnesses its brought home to him in the boldest terms how writing about something is often far different than experiencing it. Then after Joy's death as C.S. struggles with his emotions [something he's tried all of his life to control] he has an encounter with his thoughts about the God he loves and serves so much. He even comes to the place in his faith where he must work through [I won't be specific here so you'll read the book] some questions he never would have anticipated he'd ask.
We are going through a grieving course in our church on Monday nights and this story is an invaluable spiritual aid to us as we work our way through grief. Some friends, and many scholars say that some of Lewis's greatest works are the result of Joy's critiquing and those following her death. There is also a movie, 'Through the Shadowlands'. I would suggest first reading the book then as you view the movie, allow it to bring the emotions you've read about in the book to fruitation in you - its a life changing experience.

Ramblings

As I become more involved in other projects my blogging gets left behind. Its not because I don't have time, because I am a firm believer in 'we make time for what we want to do, regardless...' So these 'ramblings' will seem to become even more and more disjointed but that's okay. Some day I'll go back over all these thoughts and maybe bring a sense of order to them, before then I invite you to just ride along with me, hopefully feeling comfort about what you read, just don't waste time trying to figure me out.

Last weekend we sent to the Big-City East and visited with our son, [the world's greatest daughter-in-law!] and our three little munchkins! My granddaughter again went me to Einstein Brothers bagels to surprise the rest of the family when they woke up. When I first announced I was going she said she wanted to go to, and I tried to get her to stay with gram - thinking I could pick up something for myself before I got back home - little did I know her mind was on the same track.
Although she usually always stays with gram, getting bagels with the old man was her thing and she wasn't going to be denied. All my trying to convince her was going absolutely nowhere and her actions were prove of that .... then I got to thinking, what was I thinking, this was my granddaughter and I was trying to persuade her not to come along with me??? This was becoming far worse than just a senior moment - so to a pouting little precious face I said, 'hey, don't just sit there next to gram, let's get going ........... its was great pink duck shoes and long nightie hopped out of that bed at lightning speed - and off to Einsteins we went. Well, she won again, and came out of that store with a grand-daddy sized hot chocolate topped with whipping cream!

ONe of my grandsons can be viewed on Youtube playing the drums, but since its my policy to never mention family names, this will be some detective work for you. I am really proud of my grandson because of his dedication to practice.....though I'm sure its probably driving the rest of the family a little battie with that constant beat! ha.

This past Sunday AM the message dealt with how we as a church family need to be acting more like a family than just a group of believers. I began with an example of how American used to love to watch 'Father Knows Best,' 'Leave it to Beaver" and 'Happy Days' .... more current family comedy became 'Friends', 'Cheers' and Seinfeld.' There is an indictment of the state of family in America that become evident when you realize that the earlier comedies focused on the nuclear family unit - dad, mom, sister, brother, etc.- and the later comedies focus more on friends as the family. I'm convinced it shows the breakdown of the family and our vain attempts to replace it through friends. I'm not saying friends aren't important, and they often do become closer than family members, but basically we are losing a sense of the value of the nuclear family; and I am convinced there is a searching in today's culture for those lost treasures of family.

Nothing Was The Same

A book review
'Nothing Was The Same', Kay Jamison. New York, New York. Random House, Inc.
2009. pgs.203
The author is a Professor of Psychiatry at John Hopkins Univ.School of Medicine, and has other medical credentials. She is plagued with Manic-depressive illness, and has been very honest and open about it, despite the advice of her colleagues she has written openly about it. Her husband Richard was a reknown scientist and battled debilitating dyslexia, yet was an expert on schizophrenia.
In her book she talks about how Richard was such an inspiration to her in their marriage; and how one day, Richard received the news his illness was terminal. Richard, being a scientist and not believing in an after-life, insisted they began to make plans for his funeral, burial and her eventually getting on with life. After his death she begins to experience spiritual thoughts that in some ways begins to draw her back to her faith, though she never comes right out and says it.
If you would like some reviews about the book you can find them on http://www.amazon.com/.
I read this book last week on vacation; its one of those books I purchased at Barnes & Noble, and hoped that it would help with our 'Grieving' class ................... and it did when we spoke about
Anticipated Grief. This book was written from a secular perspective, which enhanced our discussion. I enjoyed the book.